


milk and two sugars

by grootmorning



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, F/M, I think?, Romance, Slow Burn, no love letters, they don't know each other in this one at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 05:12:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15744978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grootmorning/pseuds/grootmorning
Summary: coffee shop!au. Lara Jean knew him as the boy who had simply needed her help one day. Now she knew him as the boyfriend of her worst enemy.





	milk and two sugars

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my wonderful beta [anightingale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anightingale/pseuds/anightingale) I love you!

The bell dinged and Lara Jean looked up from where she was wiping the counter down. A quick glance at her watch told her that it was already close to eleven. She still needed to lock up and walk across campus back to her apartment.

"We're closed," she called, moving to make sure the coffee machine was turned off correctly. The one time she didn't check, Chris had of course, forgotten to turn it off, and they'd gotten the worst telling off the next day. 

The bell didn't ding again. Lara Jean looked up exasperatedly, wondering which customer was that insistent on having a caffeine fix at this time. She was not turning the machine on again.

Her words died in her mouth as she took in a tall, attractive man, standing just inside the doorway, looking as lost as a newborn puppy, with his hands in the pockets of his large sweatshirt.

"Hey."

He didn't respond.

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

Still no response.

With a huff, Lara Jean tossed the cloth onto the counter, striding over to where he was. She barely made his shoulder, he was so tall. But she was full on righteous indignation. She worked here. What she said went. Most times. 

"Hey."

His eyes slid into focus, locking onto her as if he was just seeing her for the first time. 

"Where - "

"We're closed, buddy."

He looked around confusedly, "This is - "

"Cafe Royal. We're closed," Lara Jean tapped her foot impatiently. "You have to leave." What part about closed didn't he get?

He scrubbed his hand across his face tiredly. Against her will, she noticed his nice eyebrows, furrowed together as he scrunched up his face. "I just need a -"

He swayed alarmingly, and Lara Jean grabbed his arm on instinct. Though she wasn't sure she was going to be much help. In a panic, she knew that if he went down, she would hit the ground too. There was no way she was going to be able to support him. 

"Hey. Okay. Sit down, just - sit down, okay?" She yanked out the nearest chair and pushed him into it. He went down easily, slumping over the small table.

She twisted her hands nervously. He really didn't seem alright. "Do you need me to call someone?"

"No, I - " he blinked, his hand taking another pass across his face. Lara Jean pretended to stare at the wall to avoid looking at the bright sheen of tears in his eyes. 

"It's been one year since my father left us," he blurted out in a rush of words. She blinked. She definitely was not expecting that.

"I just couldn't stay in the house, and I decided to take a walk. It's so dark and lonely out there," he looked mildly stunned, like he wasn't sure why he was saying all these to a stranger but he barrelled on anyway. "Your shop was the only one with lights on."

"I was trying to close up," she muttered, but he didn't hear her. His head was leaning dangerously close to falling into his hands again.

Lara Jean sighed, before moving behind the counter to take out the pint of ice cream that she knew was shoved in the back, hidden away for when they made banana a la mode. Grabbing two spoons, she made it back to where the guy was sitting, plonking it down onto the table and putting a spoon in his hand. 

He looked confusedly at it, and back at her.

"Eat," she dug in, motioning for him to follow. "You'll feel better if you do."

He watched her have a spoon, before hesitantly raising his. "You don't have to pay ... ?"

Lara Jean shrugged, "The tub's almost done. I'll just say it finished some time ago. It's not a big deal." She put a large spoonful in her mouth, nodding at him that it was okay to go ahead, "And you seem to be going through something. So I figured ice cream would help."

A small smile shone through his lost expression, and he pulled out a spoonful of ice cream, putting it into his mouth slowly. They ate in silence for a bit. Lara Jean savoured her mouthful of ice cream slowly, before coming to a decision.

"My mom died when I was little."

His spoon halted in mid-air. His wide eyes met her own sad ones.

"It's not something I tell everybody, but I figured - y'know - so that you know you're not the only one missing someone," Lara Jean wished she had her hair down, so she could swing it around to hide her face. _Telling a stranger? Honestly, Lara Jean._

He coughed, clearing his throat. Lara Jean blinked before looking up again, into his grateful face.

"Thank you," he said shakily, before sparing them further embarrassment and taking another spoon of ice cream.

There wasn't much left in the tub to begin with and they were done in a few more minutes. She threw the spoon into the tub, gesturing for him to do the same. 

"I should help you clean up - "

"No, it's my job."

"But I barged - "

"No, it's fine, really," she shook her head placatingly.

Standing up, Lara Jean was dwarfed again as he hurried to copy her movements. She took a deep breath, inadvertently inhaling some of his cologne, which smelled nice in a woody sort of way.

"I gotta wait, at least. I've stopped you from finishing up, I - " he trailed off, sticking his hands back into his pockets. "Sorry."

"It's alright," Lara Jean threw the tub away, retrieving the spoons and rinsing them off quickly. Looking around, she mentally checked the list off in her head as she made sure all the appliances were off and everything was safe before grabbing her coat and purse. 

He stepped outside, waiting for her to turn the lights off and lock up. Standing next to him, and looking up at him in the soft light of the street lamp, she stared appreciatively at his messy tousled hair, looking like he'd just gotten out of bed. 

"I should - " she jerked a thumb in the direction of her apartment. 

"I'm the other way," he murmured, looking away and kicking at the ground.

"I hope you feel better," Lara Jean smiled at him, before turning to go. There really wasn't anymore she could do for him, she thought sadly.

She'd barely taken a few steps before he called after her. 

"I'm Peter!"

Turning, she caught the glimpse of his smile as he waved at her, bigger now and less sad than before. Her chest tightened, traitorous heart fluttering at the sight of the crinkles around the edges of his eyes. He was really really cute.

Lara Jean opened her mouth to reply, but changed her mind last minute, before turning back and walking quickly away.

There was no reason to give her name.

They would never see each other again.

Even if they did, he would never be interested in little old her.

-

It was two weeks before Peter stepped back into Cafe Royal.

Lara Jean froze as he walked towards the counter, a big happy smile on his face. So different from that night. He walked with a swagger, exuding confidence that she was certain came with the varsity jacket he was wearing. Of course he was a jock. 

"Hey," he said, greeting her cheerily.

In the daylight, she could see that Peter really did have gorgeous eyes, expressive and so deep that she had to shake herself to look away, reminding herself he was only here for coffee.

"What can I get you?" She asked pointedly.

He ignored her question, pointing at himself, still grinning away. "Remember me?"

 _Curious_. "Excuse me?"

"Remember me?" He repeated, before miming an eating motion, the grin never leaving his face. "The ice - "

Lara Jean shushed him in a panic, throwing a look back at her manager. Her flailing hands hit his, and his shoulders shook in silent laughter.

"Yes, I remember you."

"Yay, me."

She muttered to herself, telling herself to focus. "What can I get you?" Lara Jean was working. She would do well to remember that.

"What would you recommend?" He asked, looking up at the boards behind her before back down at her.”

"Coffee with milk and two sugars," she blurted out before she could stop herself. That was her order. It didn't mean he would want to have it. 

He opened his mouth, but never got to finishing his order as a familiar voice cut in, the sound of which sent a tendril of ice down Lara Jean's spine. 

"Peter, I said I wanted Starbucks what the fu - " Gen trailed off as she stepped around Peter, catching a glimpse of her, the words dying in her mouth. Her eyes hardened.

Lara Jean unconsciously stepped back.

"Lara Jean," Gen said, the words dripping with honey and malice.

"Gen," Lara Jean managed to nod in return. 

"Nice to see you're still slumming, and not even at Starbucks," Gen clicked her tongue, the smile on her face belying her tone, and her nails clicking against the counter. 

Peter's eyes moved from one girl to another in clear confusion, "Uh - "

"This is Peter, my boyfriend." Gen took his hand, slinging it over her shoulders. "Say hi to Lara Jean, Peter."

"Hi," his tone was hesitant. He was still trying to size up the situation. "Lara Jean." Her name sounded nice when he said it. Lara Jean's nails bit into the flesh of her palms, upset.

"We were friends in high school, weren't we?" Gen asked, her tone still frosty.

"No, you guys weren't, Gen, but nice of you to drop in and lie as usual," Chris slid out from the back, taking her place by Lara Jean's side. She crossed her arms, glaring at Gen with thinly masked dislike. 

"Chris," if there was a way to make a name sound like a swear word, Gen succeeded. "Now I know this place is really shit. Peter, let's go."

Without waiting for an answer, she pulled him out of the cafe. Gen was tiny and probably wouldn't have succeeded in pulling him two feet, but he followed behind her like an obedient puppy, casting a curious look back at where Lara Jean was still standing, shocked.

He flashed her an apologetic smile.

She sighed in genuine relief as soon as Gen and Peter were gone. 

Over the rest of the shift, she told Chris how she'd met Peter that night two weeks ago, while Chris expressed her evident delight. Rolling her eyes, Lara Jean washed the coffee mugs as Chris then moved on to cursing her cousin into the deepest darkest realms of hell for ruining it all. 

She tuned Chris out, but that wasn't helpful either, because her thoughts turned to high school, where Gen had made her life hell. They were friends once, believe it or not, but Gen built her popularity on the smoking remains of their friendship. And that was that. 

Lara Jean tried not to think about it much.

But at least she had Chris.

The Chris who was still vilifying Gen with every word she spoke, and demanding they go back to the apartment to drink and curse Gen some more tonight. 

 _She had Chris_.

- 

It only took one day for Peter to return this time.

Lara Jean looked up from her notes as someone pulled a chair out and dropped into the seat in front of her. Blinking, she had to subtly pinch herself to make sure she wasn't hallucinating from too much studying in the afternoon heat.

"Uh..." She blinked, confused.

"Peter," he gestured to himself again. As if Lara Jean would forget him.

"Uh," Lara Jean repeated herself, looking around. The cafe was sparsely filled. It was the reason why Lara Jean was on a break at the moment. “Hi?"

"Sorry for bailing yesterday. I really wanted to try your coffee, but Gen - "

Lara Jean sat back in her chair as she stared up at him. Even sitting down, she couldn’t believe how tall he was. "Well, who could blame you, when a girl half your size was yanking you out of the place." She wanted to kick herself the minute she said it. But it was out, and she let the words hang in the air, wincing at how it made her sound. The slight bitterness that tinged the words was unmistakable.

He had the decency to look sheepish, and he shrugged, tucking his chin in as he looked around the cafe, "So you know Gen, huh?"

"High school," she said as way of explanation, leaving it at that.

"And the other blonde with the scary eyes?"

"Is Gen’s cousin."

"Explains it," he sniffed, reaching over and picking up her cup, looking at it curiously. "Could I get one of these?"

Lara Jean blinked. "Of these?"

"Coffee," he looked at her, arching an eyebrow amusedly. "You guys do serve coffee here, right?"

"And you want to have coffee... here?" Gen might actually kill her.

"Yeah." It took him a moment, but he got there in the end, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "What Gen doesn't know won't kill her."

She sighed. He was still a customer after all. "What would you like?"

"What are you having?” He asked, looking back down into her cup.

"Coffee with milk and two sugars,” she said, repeating her order from the other day. It was all she ever drank really.

"I'll have that," he, nodded, leaning back into his seat, that soft, small smile appearing on his face again.

Lara Jean sighed, getting up and walking over towards the coffee machine, where Chris was peering at him over the counter. "Man's got balls for coming back here. Although, he did come back here without Gen, so maybe they're not big after all."

"Chris," Lara Jean hissed, firing up the machine, trying to ignore Peter’s eyes on her.

"I'm just saying," Chris put both her hands up, a sly expression on her face, but left her in peace and moved to sell muffins to the next customer. 

Lara Jean moved quickly and had the coffee out to Peter before he knew it. As she moved back to the counter, Lara Jean couldn’t help but watch him as he took a tentative sip. He blinked at the taste, looking up at her and flashing that grin that made her insides tense in a not-uncomfortable way. 

"Wow, Lara Jean."

She could say the same about him.

-

Peter came in at least once a week, sometimes more. 

He always asked for coffee with milk and two sugars.

Also, he never liked it when Chris or Lucas made the coffee. It always had to be Lara Jean.

"Girl, he's back," Lucas stage-whispered as he pushed Lara Jean towards the coffee machine, taking her place at the counter. Her face burned as she took another cup, pressing buttons and busying herself to hide her face. 

Peter never ordered at the counter anymore. He never had to. He only had one order. He simply waited at the collection point, having already slid exact change across the counter, watching her make his coffee. Lara Jean felt his gaze on her every single time, amd her heart never failed to stutter nervously.

He stayed to chat sometimes, if Lara Jean was on a break. They never talked about his father again. But Lara Jean had brought up her mother once, in passing, in response to a comment about music, remembering that she used to dance with her father in diners with the jukebox on. She'd ended abruptly, staring hard into her own coffee. Peter coughed, making a quick comment about the brownies under the clear dome on the counter, giving her a few seconds to collect herself before changing the topic to his major.

He was a sports science major, which made her roll her eyes before she could catch herself when she heard it. Besides playing lacrosse, he wanted to go into sports medicine and therapy. Lara Jean felt like she could listen to him talk about how athletes really needed someone to watch out for them for ages.

 _He's with Gen_ , she kept telling herself, her worst enemy who made her teenage years a nightmare. Off limits, and apparently, out of his mind.

But he's always in here, with you, a small traitorous voice would awaken and whisper.

This small voice was egged on by Lucas and Chris, who by now, had a wager going as to when Peter and Lara Jean would actually get together. Not that Lara Jean knew about it, of course. But they were sure to remind Lara Jean of his presence and his regular visits whenever they could.

_“He can get coffee literally anywhere, Lara Jean, it's a big city."_

_"Does he look like he even takes two sugars? Jeez!"_

_"I wonder what he tells Gen when he comes here to get coffee. Maybe he tells her to take a hike. Ooh, I would love that."_

_"The man is seriously built, Lara Jean."_

Didn't she already know that? She had eyes. She could see. And she saw the eyes that followed him wherever he went, both male and female. Peter Kavinsky was a very attractive specimen of the human species.

And he was also taken.

Until one day he came in arguing on the phone, a hollow look in his eyes. Taking up his usual position next to the collection counter, Peter gave Lara Jean a wan smile and grabbed his coffee once it was done before going to take a seat. 

It killed her inside to admit to herself that she was worried. The only other time she'd seen him like this was the first time they'd met. 

Snatches of conversation were loud enough to be heard. Chris had completely abandoned her post and propriety to sneak closer and listen in. 

She could hear Peter demanding for an explanation, for answers, and she would deny under oath that a small part of her was happy that Peter and Gen were having a falling out. And sure, maybe another small part of her was hopeful, but she squashed that down fast. 

There was no way a boy like Peter Kavinsky would ever be interested in a girl like Lara Jean Song-Covey.

His coffee was cold by the time he ended the call, throwing his phone onto the table with a clatter. Grabbing the mug, he downed the entire thing in two gulps, slamming it back down. It was a wonder it didn't crack. 

Peter glared at the table like he was trying to burn a hole through it. Even Chris had begun edging back to the safety of the kitchen counter. The thundercloud forming above his head was stormy, and the customers gave him a wide berth even as the seats started filling up. 

She could only ignore the hissed whispers from Lucas and Chris for so long. After an exaggerated pantomime that ended with Lucas mock-dying, Lara Jean sighed, pushing her ponytail behind her as she made a fresh cup of coffee. Pouring it out and adding the milk and two sugars, she carried it out carefully to where he was still sitting, unmoving, and placing it gently out of his reach. Just in case he decided to smash it. 

He looked at her, expression furious, but softening as he realised who it was. Lara Jean had never seen him look so scary, but she opened her mouth anyway, "You took so long earlier, your coffee must have been cold. I thought you might want another ... " She trailed off quietly, her hands twisting nervously again.

She and half the cafe jumped as he dragged the chair next to him out with a loud screech. His expression now carried a hint of apology for scaring her as he tilted his head, indicating for her to sit. Lara Jean cast a look towards the counter, but Chris and Lucas both jabbed fingers downwards.

She sat gingerly, waiting for him to speak. 

"You knew Gen." It wasn't a question. She nodded.

"What was she like in high school?"

Lara Jean shot a warning look at Chris as she had begun to edge out, ready to blurt out all her cousin's dirty secrets, and Chris shrunk back to work the machine. Shrugging, she toyed with the handle of the cup. "We started out as friends. She wanted to be friends with the popular kids. And I didn't," she said simply. No need for all the gory details. About how nasty comments were written over her locker in Sharpie. Or how she never failed to pass comments about Lara Jean's fashion sense, or in her opinion, lack thereof. Or even about how she'd made sure Lara Jean never had allies or friends in school, not until Chris came along. "She began to bully me to get their approval. And we stopped being friends."

"Chris saved me," she continued, the hint of a smile on her lips. "Chris was my only friend." She smiled wider as she watched Chris throw a crumb at Lucas, her heart lifting at the sight before turning back to Peter. "I wouldn't be here without Chris."

Peter's face had taken on a small expression of slight horror, as if he never knew this side of his girlfriend. "I never - I mean I knew she was - But I never expected her to - " He was fumbling for the words but Lara Jean shook her head.

She didn't need them.

They lapsed into silence. Peter fiddled with his phone, picking it up and putting it down repeatedly. He didn't speak again. 

Lara Jean sighed, reading the room, before she stood, drawing his attention. He frowned, making to get up as well but she waved him back down. The manager was in the back room, she could tell, and she’d been on break for far too long.

Looking back at him, she mimed the action of eating, like he had done all those months ago.

"Ice cream?"

With a small hollow laugh, he nodded.

-

She waited until they were the only ones left, and pretended not to see the raised eyebrows and gleeful expressions on Chris' and Lucas' faces as they left to grab supper. 

The ice cream she pulled out was her own, bought on a whim a week or two ago. Nobody had to know that she kept it in there to have a mouthful or two sometimes when she was locking up late at night, remembering the time when Peter had first stumbled into the cafe. Call her sentimental, call it wishful thinking, she thought it was nice that there was a moment that they had shared. Just the two of them.

Sue her.

She could feel the familiar feeling of her chest tightening at his small smile, forcing herself to walk normally and carry the tub and two spoons to where he was still sitting.

They ate in silence, with only the small clink of spoons against plastic. Sometime halfway through, Lara Jean got up to make a shot of espresso. Pouring it over the scoop of ice cream she had put into a cup, she let Peter try an affogato for the first time, her heart fluttering as he moaned at the taste.

They didn't speak again until the tub was empty. Peter stuck his hands back into the pockets of his hoodie, slumping in his chair. Lara Jean had a flashback to when they first met again, and her chest tightened again, this time unpleasantly due to his unhappiness.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked tentatively, her hand tugging nervously at the end of her ponytail.

He shrugged, in an act of nonchalance. She hated it when he looked unhappy like this, his eyes crinkled up in sadness.

Lara Jean let the silence hang. If Peter didn't want to talk, she certainly wasn't about to force him. 

"She just makes me so angry sometimes," he exploded after awhile, startling her. He was apologetic for a second, but continued on, "I have to be there for her twenty four seven but yet, she's never held to the same standard." 

She let him rant for a few minutes, letting him run out of steam. Lara Jean waited patiently, a part of her recognizing the familiar complaints that she once had about Gen as a friend - the selfishness, the vanity, the need for attention. It was the same Gen.

"She never listens to me. Not even when I wanted to talk about my father leaving - "

Ah. So that was why he ended up in the cafe instead of crying on her shoulder all those months ago. That explained everything.

When he finally fell silent again, Lara Jean offered him the rest of the affogato, dregs of coffee mixed with the ice cream. He took it without complaint, knocking it back like a shot. Peter still looked upset, the aftermath of his angry rant still lingering.

Lara Jean sighed, "So what's making you so mad?"

"I spent so much money and time making her happy - "

"And therein lies your problem."

The air deflated out of him and he sunk into his chair again, "What?"

"You're the only one making her happy." Lara Jean raised an eyebrow, "Is she concerned with making you happy?"

Peter struggled with the response that she knew had risen to his lips on instinct. He ground out a low, "No."

Lara Jean sat back, letting it hang in the air. 

It was late, and they cleaned up silently. Peter once again waited for Lara Jean to turn the lights off and lock up, standing outside waiting for her. They faced each other under the street lamp again, saying goodbye. 

Peter looked down at her as she said goodnight, with an intensity in his expression that made her want to squirm and her heart race.Without warning, he pulled her into a hug, muffling her surprised squeak in his hoodie. His arms were warm around her, and he dropped his chin onto her head, enveloping her in a big hug. Forgetting herself, Lara Jean let herself hold on, fingers digging into the soft material and closing her eyes.

He released her just as suddenly, and gave a funny jerk of his head. "Thank you," he said sincerely, before turning and walking away.

It took Lara Jean five minutes to gather herself, turn, and walk the other way.

-

Peter came in at least three times a week now.

He still only drank Lara Jean's coffee. 

He stayed till closing more often than not, whenever it was Lara Jean's turn to do the closing, and he would check the schedule hanging up on the wall for it too.

Peter always waited for her to close, before telling her goodnight and leaving. 

Chris and Lucas were frustrated by his actions as all hell. Both their bets had lapsed after the six month mark, and they were now more concerned if Peter would ever make any move at all rather than winning.

Lara Jean largely ignored them. One day, she slid his coffee across the counter with a smile, but was met with a thoughtful glance instead. 

Considering her for a moment, Peter tilted his head then reached over the counter to the back of Lara Jean's head, gently and quickly pulling her hair out of her scrunchie. Her breath caught as her hair fell around her face and she quickly pushed it back. Her face felt like it was on fire, she could imagine how red she must look. If she tried hard enough, Lara Jean could still smell the faint whiff of his cologne from where he'd reached past her. 

Her heart felt like it had leapt up into her throat, and she swallowed, as she stared up at him.

"You look pretty with your hair down," he said quietly, taking a long look at her before grabbing his coffee and moving to find a seat.

Chris whooped loudly, and Lara Jean watched as Peter bit his lip, turning his face away from the ever present baristas, to keep from smiling too widely as well. A minute had passed before Lara Jean pulled herself together and dashed after him to get her scrunchie back.

When Peter simply held it out of her reach, laughing, an easy task given that he was so tall, she protested. Lara Jean tried jumping, but it didn't help a bit. 

"Peter!"

"Nope," he stretched up higher. "I'm not giving it back to you." He pulled it onto his wrist, the flowery thing an odd sight against his varsity jacket. "Leave it down," he then said, in a more serious tone. 

Lara Jean stopped jumping. Floundering, she turned and went back to making coffee, for lack of anything else to do.

Lucas sidled up next to her, a shit-eating grin on his face, and she jabbed him in the gut. "Shut up," she threatened.

"The boy looks like he's ready to eat you up," he whispered anyway, earning another elbow in the sternum. Worth it, in his opinion.

Lara Jean pushed her hair behind her ears, peeking at Peter as he smiled at her over his cup of coffee - milk with two sugars, of course. 

They didn't speak of Gen anymore, to Chris' eternal delight. She concocted scenarios of Gen in tantrums, or crying fits, both of which gave her endless joy.

Peter began studying in the cafe, carting books of human anatomy and detailed printouts of muscles and bones. Whenever there was a lull, he would convince her to abandon her post and study with him, spreading their things out across two tables, held down by two cups of coffee.

Sometimes, he would poke her with his pen, making her jump out of her skin when she got too lost in reading about classical literature. Other times, she would find her boots touching his sneakers, as both their legs stretched out naturally and comfortably. 

She would cough, withdrawing herself. It would not be good to get too close to Peter Kavinsky.

The Peter Kavinsky's of the world did not fall in love with the Lara Jean Song-Covey's of the world.

But that was not to say the other way around wasn't possible.

Lara Jean would die before she said it. But she could not stop thinking about him. About the way his nose scrunched up whenever he was particularly happy or thinking too hard. The way he looked so cute all confused sometimes when he was trying to figure out his notes. Or the way he smiled at her every time she brought him his coffee. 

This would not do.

Lara Jean shook her head to rid her thoughts of Peter, as she reached up higher on her tiptoes for the tea leaves that they kept on the top shelf since they were so rarely used. Once in awhile, there came a customer who had to have tea though. And so here she was.

Just that little bit further.

She pressed further up onto her toes, her fingertips scrabbling for the box. Without warning, she bumped the whole stack of boxes, and Lara Jean yelped, expecting the whole stack to come tumbling down on her. 

Her arms came up overhead to protect herself, but she blinked, her vision blocked by a familiar sweatshirt as she turned on the spot. 

Peter had stabilized the boxes, tall enough to stop them from falling easily. His body though, was crowding her against the wall, and he looked down at her before asking, "Which was the one you wanted?"

"Um, the lavender," Lara Jean whispered, pretending not to see Lucas' triumphant expression from the corner of her eye. "Thank you."

"No problem," he replied easily, moving back to give her some space and bringing the box of tea down for her, setting it down on the counter.

Looking up at him, she felt her breath catch. He was so close. She could feel his body heat at this distance, and she clenched her fists by her side, aching to touch him. His fingers skimmed across her arms, up to her shoulders, his touch sending tingles into her skin.

Peter dipped his head a little, holding her gaze, giving her time to back out. The intense look on his face made her shiver and want to look away, but she couldn't. It was like he was a magnet drawing her in. This was really happening. Peter Kavinsky was leaning in to kiss her, in the cafe where she worked. 

Almost in disbelief, Lara Jean tiled her face upwards, rising up onto her toes again, shuddering a little as he pressed his lips to hers gently, in the softest kiss.

Her heart was leaping out of her chest, and she was sure that he could feel it.

His fingers tightened over her collar, and she slid her hands over his arms.

Peter was pulling away, the biggest grin and that nose scrunch that she liked so much on his face. All Lara Jean could feel was wonder and shock, swirling around her as she blinked dazedly.

In an instant, it was ripped away.

"Peter?"

They broke apart, Peter spinning around to find Gen staring at them in shock.

" _Gen_?"

"I came to find - I wanted to tell you - " With an incoherent mutter, Gen frowned, turned and marched out of the cafe.

Her fingers were still on her own lips when Peter turned back to her, a strange expression in his eyes. To her own shock, Peter said hurriedly, "I'll be back, Lara Jean, let me just - " and with that, he flew out of the cafe as well.

Lara Jean was left standing there, her mouth open like a fool. 

Lucas shooed the watching customers away with a dismayed expression, hushing all of them before returning to put his arms around Lara Jean.

She barely heard Lucas murmuring words comfort to her over the sound of the thundering of her heart in her ears. 

Peter didn't come back.

-

Peter rushed in the next morning.

Lara Jean turned on her heel and walked straight into the back room. 

It was a testament to Chris and Lucas' friendship with her that they stood in front of him, unconcerned about the size and height difference, barring his way to the kitchen. 

"Lara Jean!" He half-shouted, not daring to push past the human barrier in front of him. Instead, he moved towards the other end of the counter, hoping to peer inside to look at her. "Let me explain - "

Lara Jean marched back out, her hair back up in the ponytail she favoured. His face fell. Since he'd told her she looked prettier with her hair down, she hadn't worn it up since. Seeing it back in its usual ponytail was like they were thrown back to back when - he couldn't finish the thought.

"No," she said firmly.

"I just - "

"You humiliated me," her tone was flat, but the pain still slipped through. "Two seconds after our first kiss, you're running out the door after your ex-girlfriend? You deserve each other."

"Listen - "

"I will not!" Lara Jean could feel a sob building, and she took a second to force it back in, to swallow it back down where it would not be seen, would not be heard by him. "All this time, I've been telling myself this would never happen. He would never like you. I've been telling myself for months not to like you because I knew it couldn't be true."

She smiled, hard and brittle, "And I was right."

"Lara Jean - "

"Nothing you say means anything anymore," Lara Jean shook her head, retreating into the kitchen to find a corner and release the tears burning at the back of her eyes. 

"I didn't go after -," Peter shook his head desperately, trying to get her to listen to him. "Lara Jean, I swear I only like - "

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Chris pushed at him, slightly shocked when he did stumble backwards. "Get out."

"She needs to know I didn't - "

"She told you to get out, friend," Lucas crossed his arms, cutting him off.

Peter raised a hand defeatedly, letting it drop again. Mirroring Lara Jean, he retreated back to the entrance, neck still straining for a glimpse of her. But he got nothing.

"It was all true," he said quietly, before leaving. 

Back in the kitchen, Lara Jean pretended she didn't hear it, letting her head fall into her hands and cried.

-

Lara Jean waved her friends off tiredly. She just wanted some peace and quiet. She would lock up, as she always did before retreating to her apartment, where hopefully Chris would be asleep, or out, and there would be no further questions asked.

She thought she would welcome the silence. But it simply served to remind her of the times Peter would ask her inane questions, entertaining her as she went through her routine. 

It had been a week since that unpleasantness with Peter. She had cried for a few days into her pillow, the pain of her hope being ripped away from her still too fresh and raw. Peter and Gen deserved each other, she thought hatefully, they were the same.

But a small part of her clung to _her_ Peter, the Peter that was kind, thoughtful, that was a dork and laughed at her little jokes, that needed her help on a cold night because he didn't have anywhere else to go, that drank coffee with milk and two sugars. That was the Peter she knew.

Who was the Peter who ran out of the cafe after Gen? She didn't recognise him.

Brushing a stray tear off her cheek as she locked the door, Lara Jean tugged her coat tighter around her, sniffling. She would not lose it again over him.

"Lara Jean."

A small cry escaped against her will, and she spun around, finding Peter waiting for her under the street lamp.

He looked terrible. His eyes were rimmed red with sleeplessness, his hair messier than usual. Part of her was glad; the rest of her hurt. 

He took a step towards her at the same time she took a step backwards. Peter stopped, his hands still reaching out towards her, before dropping them uselessly. "I've been waiting to see you to lock up for the past few days."

Lara Jean shrugged in return, not speaking.

"Chris and Lucas, they wouldn't let me in to the cafe to see you," he tried explaining

She didn't know that. She kept silent. Lara Jean wasn't sure if when she opened her mouth, whether she would scream, cry, or ask him to take her back.

He pleaded with her, "You need to listen to me."

"I don't need to do anything." Her words stopped him in his tracks again. The familiar burn behind her eyes started again and she pressed the heels of her palms against them. She didn't think she could look at him.

"That's fair." His voice was hoarse and rough with emotion. "Could you listen to me though? I just need to explain - "

"Explain what?" She asked tiredly. 

He closed his mouth abruptly, before taking another step closer, "I never should have left you there like that, but I - "

She interrupted him, "I like you, Peter Kavinsky. I can say that now out loud but I guess it doesn't matter."

"But it does matter, it does it does - "

"No it doesn't! Not when you drop everything including me to run after Gen the minute she shows any interest in you again. I thought I knew you, Peter," she trailed off into a whisper. "But I guess I don't at all."

"I told Gen it was over," Peter said in desperation, unable to watch Lara Jean leave him again.

"You - what?"

"I had to tell her it was over, on my terms now and not hers. I wanted to be free, before I could be with you."

"How can I ever - even believe that when you didn't come back?" She swiped at her face again, angry that the tears wouldn't stop. 

"She tried to get me to stay but I pushed her away. It took me awhile so by the time I came back, the shop was closed and the next day, I tried but - " Peter lapsed into desperate incoherence, taking another daring step closer to Lara Jean.

Just another and he would be right in front of her.

She couldn't bring herself to move, so riveted was she to his words.

"Lara Jean, you were - _are_ it for me."

He took another step, finally in front of her. Taking her hands gently in his own, he pulled hers away from where they were crossed tightly in front of her. Lara Jean tried to hide her face, blotchy and tear-stained as it was. But he bent, folding his large body almost in half to be able to look at her, softly tilting her chin to look at him. 

"Don't hide from me," he begged. "Don't. I couldn't take it again."

Her lips trembled before she pressed them together firmly, gathering the courage to look him in the eye.

Peter looked as desperate as she felt. 

"I need you, Lara Jean," he said slowly, making sure she could hear him clearly. "I need your laughter. I need your touch. I need your presence in my life. I need your _coffee_."

He let the words hang between them.

"Milk with two sugars," he coughed, clearing his throat. 

"What?" Lara Jean was confused.

"I take my coffee black," he straightened, gazing down at her. "Don't you understand? I only drink it with milk and two sugars because you drink it that way. I drink it for you. Because I know how much you like it, and how much you like making it."

Pulling her hands further down, Peter stepped closer to her. Finally. He was so close. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her, half-daring, half-knowing that she might push him away again. And he would let her. Because he would never make her do something she wouldn't want to do, even if it broke his heart in the process.

With a small sob, Lara Jean let him hug her, feeling like he was holding the pieces of her together. His hand came up to press her head closer to him, and he dropped a soft kiss onto her forehead. It took only a few seconds before she came apart, squeezing her eyes shut and bringing her arms up to clutch at him desperately.

Even in the midst of the tears and pain, Peter felt his heart lift at the touch. 

"You're it, Lara Jean Song-Covey," he murmured to her, feeling her shake a little in his arms. "You listen to a lonely stranger and give him ice cream when his own girlfriend kicked him out of the house for being too moody. Ex - ," he amended after feeling her almost pull away. He tightened his grip on her, pressing his lips to her hair. "You're sweet, you're kind. You have such a big heart. You're super sexy."

"Now I know you're lying," the muffled words made him scoff, reaching up to pull her scrunchie out of her hair and added it to the one already on his wrist. 

"Stop taking my scrunchies," she pulled back to frown at him, grabbing for it, but he held it out of her reach. 

"I will confiscate all your scrunchies if you keep pulling your hair back," he told her, mock-serious. She ignored him, trying to reach for it, just like before. It was like she couldn't control herself. All that mattered to her was getting the scrunchie back. Otherwise, it would mean that she would have to face their conversation again, and not have time to tamp down the swirling feelings that were rising up in her again, the familiar tightening of her chest and the words that were ready to leave her lips, to take him back.

The toe of her boot caught the curb, and Lara Jean's eyes widened as she began to trip. But she didn't have to worry because Peter caught her, taking her weight as they both fell to the ground, cushioning her fall.

"Peter!" She exclaimed, her hands fluttering over him, checking him for injury.

His voice was small, and he raised a hand to her face, brushing her hair behind her ears, "You do care."

"I always cared," she muttered, placing a hand on his chest, and pushing up. But he grabbed at her hands, holding her close.

"You're it," he repeated. "Only you. Please let me show you, I mean it."

His face was so close, and his hand was sliding into her hair, pulling her face down to his. She didn't know when her hand moved to the crook of his neck, or when her thumb reached out to brush over his soft cheek. 

Lara Jean always thought the second kiss could never be as great as their first, but that thought left her mind as soon as Peter kissed her again, more intense than their first. There was no one interrupting them, nobody else on the street this late at night. 

Two people lying on the street, kissing as if their lives depended on it. 

Only when her knees were getting cold did she pull back, half dazed, looking down at Peter who was still staring at her, his own eyes half-lidded with desire.

"You gonna break my heart, Covey?" His voice was low and husky, sending a shiver down her spine. 

"Not if you don't break mine again." Her words put a guilty expression on his face as he sat up, and she waved it off. "It's fine."

"I - "

"Forget it. Really."

He stood up in one fluid movement, reaching to pull her up alongside him, catching little kisses from her as he did so, making her flush in the cool night air. 

"Mm, you had coffee."

"What?" She watched as he took her hand in his. 

"I could taste it. Milk and two sugars," he smirked, tugging her in the direction of the apartment.

Peter Kavinsky was walking her home? Her head was spinning. Wait, what was she worried about? They had just made out on a public street. 

"I miss my coffee," he said quietly. 

Lara Jean's heart swelled in her chest, as she picked up the pace to match his longer strides. Pulling him close, she wrapped her arm around his and leant her head against him.

"I'll make you one at home," she promised.

The grin he shot her was brighter than the sun.

"Black?" She asked.

Peter Kavinsky rolled his eyes at Lara Jean Song-Covey, reaching out with the hand currently boasting two scrunchies around it to flick at her forehead affectionately. 

"Milk and two sugars."

 

**Author's Note:**

> uh, help. covinsky is now my life and i was so desperate for fic i wrote my own. come vibe with me!
> 
> update: no one told me that noah c really takes his coffee black omg how did i just find this [out](https://twitter.com/ltfrankcastIe/status/1034233878456676353)?!
> 
> tumblr: [here](http://ltfrankcastle.tumblr.com)  
> twitter: [here](http://twitter.com/ltfrankcastie)


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